Dogs for Sale (Not Cats)
Dogs for sale! Cute, adorable dogs are for sale by owner for $100 dollars each. These dogs have all the qualities you are looking for in a canine companion. They are fuzzy, need little-to-no attention, and best of all, they are terrific climbers.
I know everyone in this town is overrun with cats, but these are not cats. No way. These are playful dogs, who will protect your home with their whispery high-pitched bark. Guaranteed to scare off an intruder, or lull them into an intense game of yarn dangling. Giving you time to contact the police.
Since the factory shut down, a lot of people have been out of work. If you were recently laid off, I am offering a special discount. Two dogs for the price of one! That’s the joy and love of two dogs for just $100 dollars. (No personal checks please.) These dogs only need a small can of food each day, and they can even clean themselves with their sandpapery tongues. No messy bath time!
Now, I know there have been a lot of reports on the local news about an “unidentified man selling cats as dogs,” and I am as outraged as you all are! Everyone knows we have plenty of cats roaming our streets already. They’re everywhere! Thousands of them have invaded our porches with their incessant meowing. Right now, I have thirty-five in my very own backyard! Only a real fool would try to resell those same cats to disadvantaged members of our community for pure profit.
That’s why I recommend a dog. My dogs are guaranteed to curl up in your lap and purr like those quintessential dogs in the movies. You don’t even have to walk my dogs. They come from such noble pedigree that they remain naturally fit. Just throw a toy mouse around the room for a few minutes each day.
Speaking of the “Cat Salesman.” Some of those same news reports have placed the blame for our cat problem solely on him. As much as I hate that sneaky conman, I have heard that it was not his fault that he didn’t spay and neuter his cats. He couldn’t afford the vet bills after he was let go from the factory. So he just let his cats off into the forest, where they started making babies.
When you think about it though, we are all shrouded in layers of irony due to this crazed individual. They close down the Meow Mix factory, and the town is over run by cats. Cats spewing from a disgruntled cat food factory worker, who was recently laid off and couldn’t afford to care for his own felines. Then, that same worker is selling the excess cats to people as dogs and making $100 a pop? Sounds like some messed justice being served by that guy. Even though I hate him with all my heart. Damn his brilliant vengeance!
Anyway, dogs for sale for $100 each. And not that I need to remind you, but these dogs they can’t do any tricks. Dogs don’t do tricks.
