I Want To Buy The “Jurassic Park” Assets
Chet Murphy
President and CEO
Sunlight Horizons Hedge Fund
Palo Alta, California
TO: InGen Legal Counsel
I would like to purchase the remaining assets of the Cloud Island Project that your company undertook in the early 1990s. I just read the investment portfolio entitled, “Jurassic Park” and was intrigued by the exotic wildlife reserve/theme park mashup. There was quite a bit of editorializing (for an investment portfolio) but I love the concept. Love it. I’m sure after the unfortunate accident, you’d want to unload this property ASAP. I don’t mean to sound brash, but I’m a straight shooter.
The key to success is a new name and new management. You had a poor project manager under John Hammond. He seemed to be the core defect with an otherwise sound idea. Dinosaurs back to life? And you can see them first hand? I’d buy a ticket. Hell, I’d buy two and see it twice. Hammond was a guy with vision, but you need a down to earth project manager whose handled billion dollar budgets (me) to hold the reigns on an operation like this. New name would be something along the lines of Dinosaur Planet.
The original portfolio estimated “billions in revenue” and an “unlimited ceiling on ticket prices” and despite the devaluation, potential is clearly still there. Now I am aware of the risk in any investment. I’ve had my hands in nuclear power plants, rocket manufacturing and horse breeding. But the greater the risk, the greater the reward. And frankly, I don’t think it’ll be too difficult managing a couple big lizards. (To be honest, I did not read the entire portfolio, but I gave it a once over at lunch. Straight shooter.)
Some other thoughts I had:
-Can the children ride some of the less dangerous dinosaurs?
-Can we teach the dinosaurs to wear clothes, such a branded Gap or Old Navy products?
-Can we install private bungalows inside the dinosaur habitats for like honeymoons and bachelor parties? Since we will be doing a lot of weddings.
-Do you think the island can support a Vegas-sized concert venue? We have a retainer deal with Cher, and would love to get a new show with her going on the island.
-Can we tour the dinosaurs around America to build up publicity? Specifically, I’d like the dinosaurs to do the Today Show.
-Are the Velociraptors really dangerous or are they pretty cool with being around people ?
-PETA is going to be up my ass if we feed them live goats can we substitute in Tyson Chicken Nuggets instead?
I’m a no bullshit kind of guy. I want this park. I get this park. I’m into this idea and I’m pumped to own some dinosaurs. Call my office as soon as you can and lets make this deal happen. I want to be in the Dinosaur business.
-Chet
