Man on THE Moon...Writings at Night

A Misinformed Guide to figuring out Real Irish from Fake Irish on St. Patty’s Day:

Thursday March 17, 2011

A Misinformed Guide to figuring out Real Irish from Fake Irish on St. Patty’s Day:

  1. The REAL Irish will be wearing all green, even their shoes and eyebrows. Not just some green or a little green, like a tie. Green is really important to the Irish culture because grass is green and there is a lot of it in Ireland. More than any other country.

  2. The REAL Irish will be laughing a lot out on the street, and screaming out in celebration. If you see a pack of girls yelling about “When the Fuck is Tiffany getting out of work?” They are Real Irish because of how boisterous they are. Being loud was important on the moors, so you could be heard over the sound of the banshees. A quiet older couple going to Church is not Real Irish.

  3. The REAL Irish will drink a carbomb as soon as they enter each pub or bar. Carbombs are important to the Irish because the IRA was a group of really Irish people who loved Ireland. They also loved using carbombs for politics. The carbomb drink is meant to honor them. So tell the bartender you love the IRA, and she’ll get you one.

  4. The REAL Irish own at least one Chieftains album or have downloaded it to their itunes. The Chieftains are important because they used to run different tribes around Ireland and were like small presidents who led people and were also into worshiping deers.

  5. REAL Irish will honor and respect four leaf clovers. They are hard to find but all Real Irish have them hidden in their house for good luck. Irish luck is stronger than any other luck. If you see anyone win the lottery or miss getting hit by a car, they are Real Irish. Also if a girl has a four leaf clover tattoo she is 100% Real Irish.

  6. REAL Irish have all seen at least one Leprechaun. It granted them a wish. If they tell you what their wish was, they ARE NOT REAL IRISH. Real Irish keep those wishes secret. Like birthday wishes, or they won’t come true.

  7. And finally, REAL Irish people are more than happy to fight you. Fighting was invented in the 1400s by the Irish as a way to solve problems about sheep. No one had fought before, thats why so many Irish guys from New Jersey or California make sure they fight to honor that. Just like when St. Pat fought the snakes.

Happy St. Patricks Day and make sure you only drink with the REAL Irish.