Pokemon Fan Club
Dear PIKAAAACHU1MILLION,
I regret to inform you that we cannot accept you into the Pokemon Fan Club. Normally, we respond to the thousands of applications that we receive each month with a congratulatory form letter and a membership packet. Unfortunately, I cannot do that today. I was too confused and upset by your answers to our questionnaire and I must make you the first person we’ve ever rejected.
I was just going to throw your application away, but I cannot. I have too many questions about what is so obviously wrong you. Please respond, or please tell me this is all a joke.
Let’s begin. In the picture you submitted, what is it exactly that you are wearing? It looks like a melted Batman mask, is that what it is? Also, you did not need to submit a picture.
Under “Gender”, you did not check a box and wrote down “Whatever makes you happy.” I don’t know what that means. Also, you did not need to change the color of your pen with ever letter in the sentence.
Under “Your favorite moment from the TV Show”, you wrote, “The episode where Ash and Me steal baby birds out of their nests.” Jesus christ. I hope you didn’t do that. Did you?
In the blank space at the bottom of the page you drew a picture that looks exactly like my childhood home. Do you know me? Even you did, how would you know that house?
Finally on the back of the membership sheet, you wrote the first chapter of Dante’s Inferno in Latin. Do you speak Latin. Does anyone anymore?
I need to know what is going on in your brain. Please Answer me. Please.
Mark Casey
President, Pokemon Fan Club
Akron, OH
