Texts From A Guy (who just killed his mistress) To His Wife. (who’s waiting for him with dinner.)
“I might be late, my friend Mike from college is here, who you don’t know. Beer, and going bowling with him. Sorry, make it up to you later.”
“Hey, ah, hey, Don’t call me. Can I just call you later? Bad time.”
“Tell the kids that Daddy loves them. No matter what happens.”
“That last text was not regarding anything specific, just a general I love you. Also do you know if the river has frozen over?”
“Hey honey, what would you use to get a really bad stain off of leather seats? I spilled soup all over the passenger seat and door. So clumsy.”
“Just wrap a plate up for me. I’m not hungry anyway, won’t be able to eat for days.”
“Things have been rough between us. But not anymore. I solved all our problems. Shit, do you know if its illegal to text while you drive? This cop just pulled me over.”
“Make sure you strictly enforce the “No TV during Dinner” rule. Because there is a lot of violent news on there about some body found in the river.”
“What’s our lawyers number? Not that I need it now, but like for future reference and stuff.”
“Mike, who’s mike?”
“Oh yeah, he had a good time hanging out. Also, I’m being charged with murder. I didn’t do it though. I swear.”
“No, I’m not making this up to get out of dinner with your family. You’re insane. TALK TO YOU NEVER.”
