Can I Eat Your Child?
Miss? I know this might sound weird, but can I eat your child? Its just, you seem to be having a really difficult time controlling him and I’m quite hungry. He’s just been whining and screaming about not getting the kind of chocolate milk he wants. I mean that is ridiculous. In the middle of a supermarket. Let’s take care of him right now. Give him to me.
Did you know, on average, it costs 250,000 dollars to raise a child from birth till they are 18 years old. Think of what you could do with that kind of money. You could own a vacation home with that kind of cash.
This wouldn’t be my first time or anything either. I’m no novice. I’ve eaten a lot of people before and a quite a few of them were children. I was a part of a Cannibal Tribe in New Guinea for the past five years. Yes, the one that was on the news. I was in those Time Magazine pictures. Mmhmm, that’s me in the middle there.
He’s screaming again, I don’t know how you deal it day in and day out. I know how I would.
Overpopulation is only getting worse as time goes on. 7 Billion people is so many. I can’t even comprehend that number. And I can’t imagine that it’s a sustainable level for our small planet. What I do know, is that each and every one of us needs to do our part to keep that number in check. So please, let me eat your little brat.
Where are you going next? Cereal aisle? Me too. Lets walk and talk. Oh look, he’s already crying about his Cocoa Puffs. And about my plan to eat him. But mostly about the Cocoa Puffs. Listen, you’ll never have to sit up late with him when he’s sick. You wouldn’t be limited to only seeing kids’ movies. You could even go away with your husband, whenever you want. It will be like he never happened. I can’t recommend my services enough.
Look you seem apprehensive, but take my card and call me as soon as he goes into an annoying temper tantrum. You may laugh, but people usually do get back to me. What will I do with him? Oh, don’t worry about it. I’ll be very respectful when I cook his flesh. Alright, bye bye. Have a good day now.
Hmmm, actually Cocoa Puffs do sound good right about now.
