I’m Making Sure I Get a Nightmare
I’m not like every other guy. I’m a guy who enjoys nightmares. I love the thrill; those ultra realistic feelings of paranoia and pain. They get me going in all the right ways. The only problem with wanting nightmares is that they aren’t predictable, you never know when one will come about. And I need a fix more than once a month.
So, I’ve prepared a checklist of ways to bring about an unsettling night of tossing and turning. Maybe they could help you too. They are as follows:
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Eating a large meal right before I go to bed. Indian or Mexican, something with more spice than flavor. I want my stomach to be upset with me and I want myself to be upset with what I ate. Turmoil is the key.
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Calling up an ex-girlfriend or former close pal and stirring up long forgotten trouble. Does she remember that time I hit her dog with my car? Good. Now tell me how that destroyed your life all over again. The guilt will twist my neurons up in just the right way. Oh yeah.
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Medication time. I go with a cocktail of nighttime allergy, anti-depressants, and some low dosage blood pressure stuff. Wash it down with a puff or two of chronic. This will spin your mind around dizzy bat style. It won’t be able to fight back like it wants to.
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Now the big one. You are going to have to give yourself Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That’s not as easy as it sounds. You’d think robbing an elderly couple or burning down a library would do it, but that’s not enough. Personally, I ended up having to sneak into a graveyard and dig up decomposing corpses. Those things have a way of sticking with you. That’s for sure. It makes your dreams Zombie filled, but that’s a reasonable trade off in my books.
Follow my tips and you too could be stirring each and every night. Awakening in a cold sweat. And screaming out for the Mexican “Día de los Muertos” Queen to release you from her iron grip.
