Conversations Between Two Old People
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-Did you ever drive by your son’s house and see that he was home but then when you call, he doesn’t pick up?
-All the time.
-Me too.
-Well, you did just describe the situation to me. You probably have done it.
-Could have been hypothetical.
-I’m too close to death to have this argument.
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-If I fire broke out in the home, what would you save?
-The picture of my late husband, you?
-Nothing, I’d let the fire destroy me… I never had a husband.
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-Do you think about death a lot?
-All the time.
-Me too.
- …
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-On Halloween I give out pennies.
-Why? So the kid’s learn the value of money and the virtue of patience?
-No. Because I hate children and that will make them decidedly unhappy.
-You should watch more TV.
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-That insurance salesman was cute. Maybe I’ll buy some so he comes back.
-He’s not going to kiss you.
-If I tell him I’ll sign the contract if he kisses me, he’ll do it. He has a quota to meet.
-I miss looking forward to each new day.
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-An old Sherly Temple movie is on TV.
-All Sherly Temple movies are old.
-That doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch about it.
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-The nurse stole something out of my dresser today.
-You own nothing of value, don’t kid yourself.
-I just wanted some attention.
-Well now you have it, and it’s negative. Hope you’re happy.
-I’ve never been happy.
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